virtual locker room

when i was first getting into marathons, i was harassed on an online message board, stood up for myself in fine fashion, and was rewarded with an invitation into a different message board - one that could best be described as a virtual locker room. a virtual men's locker room, that is. equal parts dumbassery and smartassery with a dash of calling each other names. that adorable group of wacky wacktards saw me through my first crutchtastic injury and on into the heyday of my nine-mile lunch time runs and 5k PR (22:56). they let me be smart and let me be stupid. they encouraged me when i wanted to accomplish running things, but never pressured me when i just wanted to whimsically flit around. they heard my dreams and set me up for some of the best punchlines i've ever delivered.

for a variety of reasons, i drifted away. injuries. hobbies. work. family.

a few years passed, but i still thought about that place, reminiscing about how great it was, day dreaming about going back.

the other day, i did it. i went back in there. some of the old characters were still there, but it was weird. there were all these new people. it was like going to visit your high school and finding out the jackasses you palled around with back in they day were now teachers... parodies of their former selves, wandering the virtual hallways in a soulless pot-bellied glory days daze, telling the same tales, carping over the same crap.

and then there are all these new people and they are doing it wrong. DOING IT ALL WRONG. i started to get pretty hot over how they were doing it wrong - doing it all wrong. they were despoiling this sacred place. had they no respect? no decency?!

i wandered around a bit looking for my locker -- the one with the shaun cassidy tiger beat cover taped to the door. i couldn't find it. i was beginning to think i didn't belong here anymore.

had this place changed, or had i?

i left again, and this time i don't imagine i will be missing it.

there are some things you just can't unsee.

the curtains in the hall bathroom are hung backwards.

it's not obvious. i mean, clearly it can't be obvious because i never noticed it before, and clearly, i am someone who notices things, and clearly, i have used that bathroom like, you know, more than once in the past. i've used it casually and i've used it completely, and yet somehow i never noticed this egregious window treatment faux pas.

my sweet tiny personal-haven-of-peace bathroom is getting a face lift. as a consequence, i am currently completely using the hall bathroom. that is to say, i have moved everything in there - from my toothbrush to my hairbrush - and am exclusively using that bathroom every day. as a consequence, i frequently find myself perched on that potty, and since that potty is next to a window, when perched on the pot, i peek out the panes.

la, la, la... trees and shrubs and look at my lawn how green green green and sunflowers by the road, how nice... la, la, la... and isn't this a nice room... how wise was i to choose this colour? looking good, teal walls and chocolate brown shower curtain! and hey, what about this window treatment, eh? what about these perfect sheer babies with the teal and brown trees! reflecting the nature outside the window and the colour scheme inside the window. per-feck-SHUN! woo! la, la, la... nice sheers, ace... teal leaves... hmm.... why are those leaves more whitish? almost looks like the reverse stitching... almost looks like...

wait.

almost looks like...


OH EM GEE that panel is backwards! it's backwards! that one is... wait... this one is... that one is... BOTH PANELS ARE BACKWARDS.

backwards. ugh.



there are some things you just can't unsee.

little black cardigan

i am a cardigan fan. so versatile, so chic, so 80s meg ryan. my recent fave is a little black buttonless number. i mean, it's what they call "open front" - buttonless on purpose. i like that sweater so much, i have trouble not wearing it every day. black goes with everything, right? cardigans go with everything, right?

a few weeks ago, i lost it. OH MY GOD I LOST MY FAVOURITE SWEATER. i was distraught. DIS. TRAUGHT.

i searched the house, up and down. searched car, office, house again. asked the lame-oh, usually busy sleeping "security" guard at the front desk at work. asked my coworkers. nothing.

sadness reigned.

then, as i was going over my movements for the millionth time, i realized i'd gotten a facial. AH-HA! i texted my facial girl (love saying that but she's like this really nice lady who is like 10 years my junior). so, i texted my facial girl and asked her did i leave a sweater there. she was like, yes, she found a sweater but didn't know whose it was.

ALLELUIA!

i called the facial place and asked how late they'd be there. til 6. perfect. i swung by on my way home from work, picked up the sweater, and order was restored to the universe. that evening, i took the sweater as an extra layer when we went to grab a bite. i tossed it in the back seat of the truck and turned out that i didn't need it and then i forgot it in the truck. a few days later i was looking for my old friend again - turning the house upside down, sorting through the detritus in the truck's back seat, looking around the office. it was no where.

i liked it so much and was so shook at the first loss that i had ordered another. a backup. however, i was loathe to un-tag the backup because clearly the world is a dangerous place for little black sweaters, but what choice did i have. it was desperate times. i un-tagged the backup and put it into use.

at this point, i'm considering whether i need to get a replacement backup to backup the backup that's been pressed into service. (not pressed as in ironed. don't be ridiculous. "pressed into service." it's an expression.) it's not an easy decision. they're like $15 per and while that's admittedly not a king's ransom, i wouldn't throw $15 out the window, either.

so i'm noodling this decision and days go by. fortnights go by. six weeks go by and this afternoon i am headed to get a facial. i walk in the facial place all hi, hello, good to see you. my facial girl goes, hey - i have your sweater here, still hanging on my door.

um.

oh. my. whatnot.

did all that stuff -- all that calling the facial place, swinging by to pick it up, leaving it in the truck later then losing it for a second time -- did all that... did all that not even happen?

i feel like i am in an epi of the twilight zone.

i feel like i am in the for-real twilight zone.

i have these literal MEMORIES of stuff that DIDN'T EVEN HAPPEN.




totes to the spooky.











but.









i do now have two little black cardigans.

when we lived by the lake

it was a very mod house with a sunken living room which we were not allowed to go into except sometimes to use the stereo, so that is where i went to listen to the 45 of saturday night (by the bay city rollers) which my brother had given me for my ninth birthday, and also to play my brother's 45 of the theme from SWAT, to which my friend jenny (of the long blonde hair) and i choreographed an entire dance sequence.

wacing wednesday

for the decades that i have been on the daily commute, the morning drive on the third day of the week has been nothing more than a mad dash to the city. i don't know what it is about wednesday that makes everyone in such a hurry to get to work, but it's common enough to be distinctly noticeable.

well. noticeable to me, at least. so much so that back when i was carpooling, i nicknamed this commute "wacing wednesday". (by nicknamed i mean, said it to myself.)

you have to stay out of the way on wednesday, or you'll get knocked out of the way. today for instance, there were three traffic stopping wrecks and one strategically placed fender bender.

you could say that the wrecks slow people down so they speed to make up for it, but i would say to you - what caused the wreck. five'll get you ten that speed caused the wreck. speed comes first on wacing wednesdays. and then, it's not merely speed. the competitive darting in and out of traffic lanes turns it into nascar out there. all these doofuses (doofae?) careening down the freeway it's no wonder they are bumping into each other.

but what's making them want to go so fast, on wednesday? is wednesday traditionally donut day at offices across town but all offices have just barely not enough donuts to go around and so folks are wanting to speed on in to get 'em a donut? or, is unassuming l'il ol' tuesday night actually a night people stay up late, and then they are tired and sleep in, and then they are late for work, so they speed in? or, is everyone just letting off a little collective hump day steam?

like so many things in this world... i bear witness to it, but i don't understand it.

i think i could keep the toast rack and still make it work.

over the past couple days, i have seen license plates from a variety of places while on my 20-mile commute to work.

in order of appearance:

connecticut
georgia
mississippi
texas
alabama
illinois
north dakota
virginia
missouri
ohio
south carolina
florida
california
new mexico
pennsylvania


connecticut is nearly 1,000 miles away. new mexico is 1,200. north dakota around 1,300. california over 2,100.

what are these people doing here?

have they moved here and not yet changed their license?

are they visiting on business?

are they on vacation?

if they are on vacation, i wouldn't expect to see them on my commute. they'd be much more likely to go to one of the tourist areas and stay there.

if they are on business from california, well... come on. they'd take a plane.

most likely thing i can think of is that they have moved here. from what i have heard, nearly 100 people move into this area every day, so it only stands to reason we'd get some from faraway places.

not in the past couple days, but in the past i have seen alaska plates, and also some from canada. that's a long way to drive a car, just to have that car when you get to your new location. i mean, you're putting a lot of miles on it in one pop. how great can that car be? sell it and get another when you get here.

unless you don't have much stuff. maybe you just pack up your stuff in your car and moved it all down. no moving vans for you!

that'd be pretty sweet, actually. i mean, not that i don't heart my toast rack like, a lot-lot, but to only have as much stuff as will fit in the car... or, even better, to only have enough stuff as will fit in the car while still having space to see out the back window.

if my life had that kinda simplicity, i'd put it in my car and haul it a couple thousand miles, just because i could.

high boredom tolerance

going to the grocery store is a bit boring. or, maybe not boring exactly, because i don't feel bored when i go.... it's nearly the same thing every time, just a small variations on a theme. so, maybe it should be boring?

when i imagine looking for different stuff, like ingredients for something new, it doesn't feel so much "interesting" as "pain in the ass". so maybe i like being bored?

i can make a grocery list without really trying and i can walk around the grocery and pick up stuff we need or will use without really trying. if i get something and we already have one of them, it's okay because we'll use it because it's the same as the other stuff we have that we'll use. we eat the same stuff over and over, so i buy the same stuff over and over.

but it's not boring.

is it?

i don't experience it boredom. i don't feel that impatience that i get when i am bored, when i want the waiting to be over and for something to happen. it's not like that.

but, should it be? should it be boring? should i experience boredom with doing the same thing over and over, buying the same thing over and over, eating the same thing over and over? and if i am not, then why am i not bored -- with doing the same thing over and over, buying the same thing over and over, eating the same thing over and over?

i'm adventurous. i like to try new things, eat at new places, travel.

but at the same time, i am not bored (in this case) doing the same thing. i am not thrilled, excited, can't wait until grocery day gets here. it's not like that. but - i am also definitely not bored.

but, should i be?

am i too simpleminded to realize when i should be bored?

and if i don't realize i am bored, who's to say i should be?

or, maybe i am bored, and don't realize that i am. is that even possible?

maybe i have a really high boredom tolerance. like having a high pain tolerance and walking around with a broken ankle and not even knowing it, not experiencing the pain -- maybe like that, i walk around doing really boring things and don't experience boredom.

obvs that would come in handy when faced with those repetitive experiences in life, but would a high boredom tolerance keep me stuck doing the same stuff and not knowing there's more out there? but would i care if there is more if i weren't even experiencing boredom?

a high pain tolerance can lead to bodily damage. if i don't know i have a broken ankle, and i walk around on it, i can make it worse and damage it in a way that it becomes unusable.

what sort of damage does a high boredom tolerance lead to? if i don't know i am walking around in the same paths, and i keep walking around in them, what am i making worse... what thing am i damaging in a way that would make that thing become unusable?