12 hours from now, i am set to begin my 13th marathon.
of all the ones i have run, this one is simultaneously the most real and least real. i faithfully followed the training plan for this one well -- with just the one injury very near the end. following the training so faithfully lent a gravity to the proceedings and i felt like i was investing in something real. but, at the same time, the training didn't go exactly as i'd have wished, so i felt like i was investing poorly.
a couple days ago, i felt ready, but then i made this long drive and i'm hundreds of miles from home (but, you know, hundreds closer to the event) and so i am hundreds away from all the places i trained and all the people who were with me during training and supported me through training. so it's like THIS is real now and THIS is not training because training was THERE. this new reality isn't about a marathon, so i can't really be running a marathon tomorrow. it doesn't seem real.
on top of this mounting surreality, i am having a wardrobe crisis. the temps tomorrow are forecast to be in the high forties, low fifties. last week when i was finalizing my wardrobe, the forecast was also for sunshine and calm winds. i'd planned to wear shorts and a short sleeve shirt with a team singlet over. as of today, the temps are holding but the skies are to be partly cloudy and the winds up to 15+mph. a partly cloudy and windy 50 degrees is much different than a sunny and calm 50. so, today, i got a pair of compression capris to wear tomorrow. but who gets something new for race day?? so now i am back to the shorts, but maybe throw in a long sleeved shirt - a bonus there being i can pull the sleeves over my hands as needed.
all this mulling and angst is of course just a cover up. my real concern is pace. i think i need to hold something close to a 10mins pace to meet my goal and that a 10mins pace will allow me space to stop for a sip of gatorade or a visit to a portapotty. so, fine, i want a 10mins pace. however, through all this training, i never have gotten a handle for the 10mins pace. i have gone faster and i have gone slower, but the only time i could do 10 was on a treadmill when the machine is doing the work.
so, i guess my mind doesn't want it to be real because my mind doesn't think it's going to work out well, and my mind is concerned that my heart will be broken, so my mind is protecting my heart.
that's all i know from this side of sunrise.
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