do you LIKE doing that?

i ran 18 miles this morning, and when i got home, my old man's golf partner asked, do you LIKE doing that? i gave the same pat answer i always give... oh, you know, i like beer and pizza.

now, it's true i like beer and i like pizza and i like beer+pizza, but i can't really run far enough to support a steady diet of beer+pizza, so... full disclosure: beer+pizza is not my (only) motivation.

but what can you say to someone who wouldn't run a step unless they're being chased by a bear who's wielding a machete? it's not like they'd understand even if i did take the time to explain. i find it simpler to tell folks something they'll understand, and everyone understands wanting to eat more.

and, that's not a lie per se. having a little more leeway in my diet DOES motivate me to run. so it's not a lie, but maybe you could call it an omission.

i mean, i MUST "like doing that". i must like running long distance, or i wouldn't do it. that being said, if i didn't run long distance, i would need to find another exercise activity to support my beer+pizza habit, so i'd be facing the same sort of questions. do you LIKE jumping rope for hours? do you LIKE riding your bike to omaha? do you LIKE plowing the same acre over and over with nothing but a spoon?

okay, sure. it's a given: i like running long distance. but if i say i like it, i know they'll ask why, and i'm not sure even i understand why i like it. maybe you can figure it out. here's what i know.

the lion's share of grown-ass folks out running long distance are doing so to prepare for a long distance race-type event. training for a marathon, a half, an ultra, something. they are running BECAUSE of the event. "what are you training for?" is the standard pre and post group-long-training-run parking lot convo.

okay, sure. i am training for a marathon.

however.

i am not doing the long runs so that i can do the marathon. i am doing the marathon so that i have an excuse to do the long runs.

see? this is the level of crazy i am up against.

when i run long, i don't listen to music, i generally run alone, and i don't know where i'll end up until i get there. so... i like running long because i like a quiet head, i like being alone, and i like wandering around. (point of clarification: i like music. i just don't like listening to music when i run.)

what do i think about for 18 miles? mostly nothing. i don't know what my mind does or how it can think about nothing. in a way, it's like being asleep, because i have few memories from long runs, but in a way, it's totally not like sleep. sleep is being not-present and when i am running, i am just so totally present that i don't need to think about anything. okay, sure. i'll occasionally calculate the number of miles left or ponder what i'll eat when i'm done, but most of the time -- nothing. i am not thinking or processing. i am experiencing.

i ran 18 miles this morning, and if i thought my body could stand it, i'd run another 18 right now.

have you figured it out yet?

yeah, me neither.