the enlightening eleven

i do not like daylight saving time. i realise this is not a popular position, but i am not merely being contrary. i have a well-supported case, in eleven fully-enumerated points which are as enlightening as an extra hour of daylight which isn't really extra at all but merely moved from one end of the day to another.

without further ado, i bring you...

THE ENLIGHTENING ELEVEN


11. this point is just here for the alliteration. c'mon, you knew that - right?

10. i am being contrary. c'mon. i said i wasn't MERELY being contrary, but of course i am somewhat being contrary.

9. the thing should be called daylight savings. with an S. c'mon. that's what everyone calls it. if it were called daylight savings, i am not saying i would be in love with it or anything, but, you know, this one objection would be addressed.

8. the mornings are too dark and c'mon, who likes to get up when it's dark? let me think... oh, that's right, NOBODY.

7. the evenings are too light. evenings are for relaxing. c'mon. who can relax in the broad daylight? brings back all those lonely childhood memories of having to go to bed in the broad daylight. ugh.

6. broad-daylight evenings are nothing but pressure to get something the hell done. it's after work and two more hours of daylight for someone to be on my back about getting out in the yard all with the digging and whatnot?? c'mon.

5. spring forward sounds all fun, like a trampoline, but c'mon - one minute you're all TRAMPOLINE! and the next minute you realize they changed all the clocks when you weren't looking. it's a bait & switch is what that is, and i'm pretty sure bait & switch is a felony in 36 states and the territory of guam.

4. i know i just said "all clocks" - but not all the clocks get changed. there's always that one guy who spends the next week or two being late to every meeting. c'mon, Guy Who Can't Change A Clock - change your damn clock!

3. not all clocks get changed, part two. you know how you'll change the clock in the kitchen and the bedroom but neglect the car because, c'mon, it's sunday, who gets in the car on sunday? then, you get in the car on monday morning and suddenly you're all OH MY GOD I AM AN HOUR LATE AND THE TRAFFIC AND THE MEETING AND... AND... and you remember that it's daylight saving time and you just want to hit someone! or, take a nap.

2. with daylight saving time at bat, summer is on deck. summer gets all the love because people don't recognise summer is a problem because people's brains get all shrunk up like sun-dried tomatoes, but here's the thing: summer is a problem. i mean, c'mon - summer is all about showing skin and we don't all look great showing skin. some of us look great showing our favourite grey sweater and tights and boots.

1. "lose an hour". who can afford to lose an hour?? c'mon. life is short enough as it is. lose an hour. be serious.













(do you think it's awkward without a conclusion? i mean, the list just ends, which lacks closure, but that said, i wrote and erased several conclusions because they seemed forced.)