09 January 2015

mannerly in absentia

my name is ace and i am THAT incredibly annoying starbucks patron.

(hi, ace!)

scouting the available seating on arrival, i quickly conclude the best-remaining-seat in the place is next to a fastidious man sporting tidy khakis and quarter-zip navy sweater who's manning a sparse digital outpost of ipad (with keyboard) and iphone. i ask him, gesturing at the open seat, anyone here?

no, he replies in a voice that's simultaneously soft and clear.

so i drop my coat and bag and head to the counter to order fragrant minty green tea and a bagel with cream cheese. when i return, he's stretched his loafered feet to under the chair directly across from his - the chair where i've dropped my things.

not wanting to (a) sit straddling his legs or (b) ask him to move, i sit at the head of the table, putting me rightnext to him. i mean, rightnext in the sense that Head and Left Hand Man are rightnext. i can't see his device screen, for instance.

they call, grande mint green tea, so i retrieve and return and immediately have to remove the cup lid because the tea's too hot to drink. green minty waves waft freely. i open my old school toshiba netbook and it won't power on, so i proceed to plug it in. the three words "plug it in" do a poor job of describing the awkward, flailing nature of this action.

they call, multi-grain bagel, so i retrieve and return, and now the real show begins. there's removing the bagel from the bag, removing the plastic knife from it's plastic wrapping, tearing the bagel into pieces, opening and spreading the cream cheese (a luxury splurged on due to having earned a free treat on my starbucks loyalty card and having spent an hour on the stationary bike earlier today).

i am a fragrant, spastic mess of food and drink, equipment and puffy coat.

before i schmear the first schmear, he packs up (i.e., closes his ipad's keyboard cover) and departs with a nod. good on him. i take over the freshly available best-remaining-seat in the place and it's warm, but only in the very most fastidiously appropriate way. i am impressed with his ability to be mannerly, even in absentia.

No comments:

Post a Comment