sexual healing

yesterday i received two hours of sexual harassment training. i will provide herein some literal (but perhaps not verbatim) quotes from the actual instructor, and you can decide for yourself how effective the class may or may not have been.

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"anyone want to hazard a guess at what a 'house party' is? anyone? anyone? c'mon. you know this. anyone? it's sex toys! haha!"

"i could write a book."

"17% of harassment is women harassing men. 16% is men harassing men. 63% is men harassing women, so it is really starting to even out, isn't it?"

"this one makes me sick to my stomach."

"you know what breaks my heart? molestation of teachers on children."

"he asked her to come to work without underwear. haha!"

"i'm not going to get into a lot of graphic details. haha!"

"they got slapped around - as well they should have! haha!"

"do i have a right to call larry names? i might, but he won't like it. haha!"

insert here: discussion of three-second rule. reference to seinfeld episode [ed note: looked it up, it's called "the shoes"]. use of word "cleavage". haha. positing that the three-second rule provides acceptable guidance for how long a man can look at a woman's body. description of teaching three-second rule to son's Sunday school class.

"criminal touching, for men, that's touching them in places that would be covered by a swim suit. for ladies, i like to say it's a 1934 swim suit. haha!"

in reference to photo of lady making angry face at phone: "she got a sext from mark [sic] weiner! haha!"

"patting each other on the butt is only acceptable in football, and shouldn't be even there."

"they may medicate. what does 'medicate' mean?"

after using attendee's name in an example: "i'm going all the way with this, bob. thanks for letting me, even though i asked for permission on the backside."

"i'm going to clean it up - 'loss of bedroom activities'. haha!"

"i have to cover bullying now because EEOC has put it in the regulations. i hate that it has come to this. this should all be common sense. this is not my favorite section to teach."

"i always thought epithet [pronounced, ep-eh-taff] was something on someone's gravestone. haha!"

"if you don't get my humor, you can throw something at me. haha!"

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yes, all this was really said.

yes, the blog title is a shameless plug for views.