sometimes you just wanna...

eat the ice cream. buy the dog. take the trip. run eight miles.

sometimes i get an idea in my head and i just want to do it. or, almost like - just HAVE to do it. there is nearly no stopping me, once i've decided, which is why i don't go too close to the edge in high places or too close to the railroad tracks when the train is in view. i just might jump. i just might try to beat the train. if i get the idea in my head that that's what i want to do, my mind won't let go until i've done it. my mind just keeps nagging and nagging, won't move on... obsessed? maybe. so, it's best not to tempt myself with the opportunity to decide to beat the train when the gate is going down.

anyhoo.

today, i decided i wanted to run eight miles. i'm not trained up to that, but i'm sort of basically in shape, so it's not going to kill me. why do i want to? who knows. that's the thing about these notions - they can come from nowhere. but, today, my mind wanted to go run eight miles and since i can't trust it to wander about on its own, i went with.

... ...

i check the weather and it's 48º, cloudy, light winds, so i go with shorts and a long sleeved shirt. #protip: you're better served to actually go the fck outside and not rely on internet weather reports.

i get dressed, collect my garmin and keys, and head to the car. i am driving to a start point that will position me for an eight miles i've done before. i'm allowing my mind eight miles, not a crazy adventure that might go longer. i mean, c'mon.

from house to garage-kept car to parking lot. i step out and realize right away that it's a coldass 48º. glad i have a hat. wish i had gloves. i start my garmin, pull my sleeves over my hands, and set off. after a half mile or so, i'm warm enough.

i pass a girl, and then another, going the other way. smile, wave. there's a guy on the other side of the road. then a guy coming at me, pass, smile, wave. that guy on the other side has turned around and is heading back where he came from.

i like this feeling of community... this sort of disconnected connection. we're all out here together yet each of us is alone. we are all doing the same thing yet each of us is doing our own thing.

this is one of the things i really like about running - how it's like a universal language. like math. 2+2 is always 4 no matter where in the world you are. and while we each make our own "thing" out of running, we are all runners.

i think on this awhile, but i don't make too much of it because first, to me, it's a given, and second, running is a time when i let my mind wander. like a big dog, my mind needs to run around or it'll pee on the floor.

my carpplegänger goes by and i don't catch sight of the driver. probably for the best. while i'm always eager to see who's driving my carpplegänger, i am all too often disappointed to see it's a yawn-inspiring middle-aged man.

i see quite a bit of paper strewn around the grass up ahead. litterers. you're making that indian guy cry. i get closer and see some of it is mail. now i'm conflicted - do i pick it up? i decide to leave it.

traffic is heavier on this side of the hill, where there're starbucks and gas stations and a sonic. i'm close to the turnaround spot and starting to do a mental inventory of the contents of my fridge. what'll i eat when i get home?

i plan to go to 4.1 miles before i turn around because that leaves room to walk at the end. i'm at 3.8, and i'm feeling pretty good. hey, this is going to be allright! i am nearly on the backtrack! i'm going to do it!

at 4.15, i turn to head back and hit a wall of wind. whaaat? apparently, this has been at my back. well, who knew. probably those runners going the other way with those mysteriously pained looks on their faces. huh.

so, okay, now i am freezing. feels like it's dropped several degrees. i pull my sleeves back down from where i'd pushed them past my elbows, and tuck my hands back inside. damn. it's cold.

i keep picking up the pace to stay warm and slowing down because i know i can't maintain the faster pace the entire way back. my hip hurts. my muscles are tired. my breathing is sort of getting worn out.

here's that strewn mail again, and this time i stop to pick it up. three cello-window-business-envelope letters addressed to folks with a last name containing more consonants than vowels. i stack the letters neatly under a tree.

i'm sort of grinding now, but i know i'm on the homestretch. 2.5 or so miles to go, probably. i'm not certain because i'm not looking at the garmin because i know i am going slow and i'm determined to disregard the pace.

my mind has quieted. snippets of a tune float by. i don't bother stopping it, just let it weave through, ebb and flow. i'm feeling good, feeling lucky. i think about people who can't run. like, newborn babies. amputees. fat-fat-fatties.

waiting for the light to change, then it changes, and i am climbing the last hill. unlike at the monkeython - where lying signs pepper the course - this IS the last hill. it's a doozy, up and up for at least half a mile.

despite the climb, i am still cold at the top. just over a mile from the finish, i pick up the pace a little. after crossing the last street, i look at the garmin - .4 to go. i pick up the pace even more and finish the last mile in 10:34.

yeah, my fastest mile was 10:34, but what the hell. i wanted to run eight miles, so i went out and ran eight miles. back in the car, i check the weather again, and it's climbed to 49º. well, so much for "it's getting colder". i blame the wind.

at home, i drink water, then some milk, then i hit the showers. after 20 minutes of steamy heat, i bundle up in leggings, sweatshirt, warm socks, and pad to the kitchen for cheese and crackers. mmm...

exercised and warm and fed, i fall asleep on the couch and dream quiet dreams.