21 November 2013

anxiously eager

somewhere along the way, i learned to differentiate eager and anxious. they both speak to a looking forwardness, but while eager is an optimist, anxious is all bunched up. the only reason i can figure that this difference would have stuck with me is that i must have lost points on an essay over using the wrong one. or more likely, lost points more than once.

another thing about eager and anxious is that you can simultaneously be both. i know this because it happened to me.

just over a couple months ago, i decided to make the appointment. i was in the strip mall anyway -- to register for a 5k -- so i just marched on down there and made the appointment. thuswise was the initial step complete.

what followed were two weeks of anxious eagerness. i wanted the results, but never having done it before, i had no idea what to expect. would it hurt? would it leave scars? would i regret it? would it end up costing more than they originally said? bottom line, i was anxious that it wouldn't be what i expected. i mean, i thought i wanted the results, but what if the results were ineffective, disappointing, or (yikes) detrimental? i wanted the results i imagined when i dreamed about the process, but i had no way of knowing whether i'd get those results. pluswise, never having had those results, what if i got those very results and even those precise results i thought i wanted turned out to be something i didn't want??

ack! anxiety alternated with pure pollyanna eagerness in a way that made me nearly bipolar. i was a regular dr happy and mr OH MY GOD WHAT AM I GETTING MYSELF INTO!?

so. two weeks passed and the day of the appointment arrived. i had scheduled this activity for after work so that either way it turned out, i could go straight home afterwards. i chose my wardrobe carefully that morning - it had to last me all day at work and then be just right for my appointment. oddly enough, as important as it was to me that day eight weeks ago, i now have no idea what i ended up wearing.

so, bottom line, the day has finally arrived. all day i'm vacillating -- eagranxious to anxeager and back again. i leave work early to get there on time and end up getting there early. turns out there's less traffic before the masses get off work. who knew?

anyway, i go in and they're ready already. who's eager now, eh? they're nice and all, but they're expecting money from me later, so they should be nice. i fill out a few forms and they smile at me and take me back to a room. the whole thing takes about 30 minutes. it hurts, but not like you might think, and when it's over, i feel good about it. i'm glad i did it, and i am relieved it's over. i can still feel it for a few hours after, you know, like a pain echo, but i can tell that won't last till the next day... and i can know i am really pleased the results.

so ends the story of my first full facial waxing.


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