boots... boots and a bag.

a couple weeks ago, i saw these boots and sort of couldn't stop thinking about them. i kept checking the website to see if they were still there because they were on sale, so they might sell out. checking. checking. i put them in my shopping bag and left them there... checking. checking. until finally, they got the best of me, and i bought them. of course, today they are $10 less. GAH! but. the point is. boots. boots got the best of me.

a few days ago, i saw this bag and i couldn't stop thinking about it. the store was closing, so the bag was on clearance, but it was just 10% off. what sort of clearance is that? i walked away, but still. i couldn't stop thinking about it. today, after work, i went to the store that was closing. i said to myself, if the bag is still there, i will get it. turns out, the bag was still there, and now it was 30% off. i got it. what's the point? bag. bag got the best of me.

i didn't charge them. i didn't take food out of my baby's mouth to buy them. i don't have fifty others like them. i will use them. i will take care of them. i will be humble about them.

but, still. i feel guilty. people say, you work hard, you deserve nice things. but, is that how it works? do i DESERVE nice things BECAUSE i work hard? i don't know, but that doesn't sound right. because... i don't work hard to acquire things.

the reason i work hard is because it's the right thing to do. i am able, so i should use my ability to the best of my ability. in return for hard work, i am paid money, given the security of medical insurance, provided a bit of vacation time. do i DESERVE those things for my hard work? i don't hold my effort at this ransom. i would give my effort -- if not to my current work, then to SOME work -- without compensation. i would do so simply because there is work to be done and i am able. there is ALWAYS work, some work, and as long as i am able, i will participate and contribute.

so.

if it's not a crime to have boots and a bag, why does it feel that way?